worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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