What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize