I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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