If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize