you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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