well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
