do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
