she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
