and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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