Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
