I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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