rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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