Nicole vs. Life
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
