i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
