Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
