Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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