is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I forgot how hot balto sounded
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
