Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
