I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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