I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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