How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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