Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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