i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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