i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
