meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
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