Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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