Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
this boner is exhausting
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
