Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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