You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
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