I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
