I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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