so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
