My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
