Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
