So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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