how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
