Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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