Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I want her autograph on my taint
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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