you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
