I've blown a few things in my day
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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