Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
