so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
