mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Welp...herpes.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
