In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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