ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
