Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
