I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
