He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize