I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
