it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
