I wanna bring you to show and tell
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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