I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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