my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
