I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
