I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
