I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize