I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
