I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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