so that wasnt chicken after all
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
