I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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