Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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