bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
