It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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