evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
FUCK WHALES
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