Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
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