Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
