I just threw up on my dentist
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
