doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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