Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
