i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
