I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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