I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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