I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
