It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize