i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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