I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
