Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
